See you soon PA

I left my OBs office feeling so overwhelmed by the love that people have un-expectantly shown me. She prayed over me before I left today. I was just blown away. What an amazing person to be put into my life. 

Last week in small group, we discussed what the bible says about the relationship between a husband and wife. The bible says “wives submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives.” I’ve never had a problem with this verse since the pastor who married us explained that within this verse it means that the husband should the leader of the family. (Our pastor also said that when BIG decisions need to be made, it’s part of the husbands’ responsibility to make those decisions). Now obviously in our case, and how I think marriages should be, there is love and communication involved with all big decisions, and the husband (Jason) should naturally make an informed and loving decision for his family. I thought of this verse today… the bible says submit – fine, done!

Today our OB expressed that she thinks Jason and I should highly consider staying in PA until delivery. On Sept 14^th I am flying up with Ana for my appointment at CHOP. I was planning to come back down to FL for another 3-4 weeks.  My OB explained that my amniotic fluid is already high; if my water breaks in FL and I was stable I’d be able to transfer to Miami or Tampa. We also agreed that we would not do an amnio reduction in FL either (which is something common for Mamas with TD babies). Another thing to consider is that a lot of Mom's with TD babies end up delivering before 36-37 weeks. She said if Alexander has any chance, he needs to be surrounded by the best team and that team is not in Naples. I called Jason as soon as I was in the parking lot of my OBs office. I had my doubts of staying in PA from 31 weeks on but Jason said that he agrees my OB. I should stay and he will meet me there as soon as possible. He is now planning to come only a week after I head up to PA. He thinks this is the safest idea and that since we both really feel good about CHOP, it’s where I should be. I am tossing my doubts and objections out the window. The bible says submit – fine, done. 

See you soon Pennsylvania!! My friends and family up there, contact me soon so we can hang out : ) : ) : )

Revelation

Jason and I have been going to a small group at our church for a couple months. The couple that leads the group invited us over to dinner tonight. It was so nice to get together and to get to know them better. The wife of the couple told me that she’s been fervently praying for me and the response that came quickly to mind was that “it’s working.” Lately I have had an almost odd sense of peace, a peace that doesn’t make much sense to me considering our circumstances. She agreed that in the deepest trails sometimes it feels like there is a protective bubble around us. There is no other way to explain that this strength and peace comes directly from God. There has never been more of a time in my life that God is so plainly here me with. I’m not going to lie; I grew up with what I think are the normal wonderings and doubts about God.  Since high school and college my faith has grown and in each chapter of my life my relationship with God has grown deeper. Through this specific journey, the depth of that relationship has changed completely. His existence to me is now fact. There is not even a tiny bit of doubt of who He is and how He loves us. Someone telling me that God isn’t real right now would be like telling me the grass is purple. Everyday this journey surprises me; sometimes in absolute wonderful ways.

Exhausted

Such a hard week. I thought when we got a “pretty certain” that it is TD diagnosis I could rest with that idea and just let it settle in. NO!! It’s been so emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. I feel like I have been hit with a bag of bricks. I’m so exhausted in all areas of my life. This past week has been much different than the first couple weeks of knowing that TD was probably what we were dealing with. During those weeks tears just came and came. This week, not as many tears as I thought; just pain and hurt and mentally a very dark place. And let me tell you, I’m a pretty sunshiny person. Being in a dark place was kind of scary. But alas, after 5 days I started to feel more like myself and I am here to tell you that once again I made it through.

Since the last appointment so many new questions have entered my mind. Some of my questions are basic hospital and procedural questions, but some… let’s just say are extremely difficult. I’ll let your mind wonder until I’m ready to address them. 

I feel so good about going to CHOP. I talked to the nurse coordinator for a long time today to get all of my questions answered. She was so wonderful and told me I had excellent questions.

After my detailed phone conversation, Ana and I ate lunch and she went down for a nap. Look at this picture that I snapped…new favorite for sure. It’s fuzzy and dark but it’s me rocking and singing to my two babies. Ana asleep with her hand perfectly placed on my belly. It can’t get more special than this.

I had one very difficult question that the nurse coordinator had to find out for me and call me back. Ana and I were playing and she called back to give the answer. It wasn’t quite the answer I wanted, I got off the phone and tears just instantly started rolling down my checks. Ana looks at me very concerned and asked “How are you feeling?” I looked at her and said “I’m very sad.” She kissed my cheek three times in a row then started using her blankie to wipe away my tears. Her actions, concern and words brought a small smile to my face and she started giggling saying “Are you so happy now?” What an amazing two year old I have. What would I do without her?

Sharing the News

Let me start with giving you some background information on Jason’s current training. The trainers have extremely high expectations, as they should. The trainees basically do not have a life while they’re here, which is also totally understandable. To continue training here and advancing it all has to do with how many patients you schedule to come in for an initial visit and how many people you convert into patients. It’s pretty serious stuff, so Jason and I have always thought that he should stay here as long as possible before delivery.

Jason and I sat down with the 3 ML trainers to give them the update on our little Alexander. We explained our initial plan of delivering in Philadelphia and that Ana and I would travel up weeks before Jason so that he could train as long as possible. The trainers basically said Jason staying was absolutely not necessary. They said that Jason is doing great and that right now we need be together as a family. Wow! No offense to these trainers but the overwhelming amount of support was not what either of us was expecting. We talked to them a little more in depth about Alexander’s prognosis and what we have been going through. I commented it that we wouldn’t be able to do it without our faith. The co-founder of ML responded very simply “believing in God and having faith is very different than putting it into action.” Wow, what a wonderful complement.