Exhausted

Such a hard week. I thought when we got a “pretty certain” that it is TD diagnosis I could rest with that idea and just let it settle in. NO!! It’s been so emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausting. I feel like I have been hit with a bag of bricks. I’m so exhausted in all areas of my life. This past week has been much different than the first couple weeks of knowing that TD was probably what we were dealing with. During those weeks tears just came and came. This week, not as many tears as I thought; just pain and hurt and mentally a very dark place. And let me tell you, I’m a pretty sunshiny person. Being in a dark place was kind of scary. But alas, after 5 days I started to feel more like myself and I am here to tell you that once again I made it through.

Since the last appointment so many new questions have entered my mind. Some of my questions are basic hospital and procedural questions, but some… let’s just say are extremely difficult. I’ll let your mind wonder until I’m ready to address them. 

I feel so good about going to CHOP. I talked to the nurse coordinator for a long time today to get all of my questions answered. She was so wonderful and told me I had excellent questions.

After my detailed phone conversation, Ana and I ate lunch and she went down for a nap. Look at this picture that I snapped…new favorite for sure. It’s fuzzy and dark but it’s me rocking and singing to my two babies. Ana asleep with her hand perfectly placed on my belly. It can’t get more special than this.

I had one very difficult question that the nurse coordinator had to find out for me and call me back. Ana and I were playing and she called back to give the answer. It wasn’t quite the answer I wanted, I got off the phone and tears just instantly started rolling down my checks. Ana looks at me very concerned and asked “How are you feeling?” I looked at her and said “I’m very sad.” She kissed my cheek three times in a row then started using her blankie to wipe away my tears. Her actions, concern and words brought a small smile to my face and she started giggling saying “Are you so happy now?” What an amazing two year old I have. What would I do without her?