I had an appointment
with our OB today. We talked for a long time, so long that I felt horrible when
I heard the next Mom waiting with a toddler and realized that she must have
been the same Mom that came in before me.
I asked our OB if
she’s ever dealt with anything like this. She said “no, she’s dealt with rare
but not this uniquely rare.” HA! Dear Alexander, did you hear that? WE are a
uniquely rare couple, the two of us. Ha, you are kicking as I type. You kick so
much!! You are so big now (only 24 weeks) that I can see my stomach move up and
down with each kick. Anyways – a couple of take aways from my appointment…
She said if Alexander’s
chest drops to the 1st-2nd percentile she could still deliver him since
we would not be doing intensive care. If it is up in the 10th percentile, she
would recommend we go to St. Petersburg Hospital in Tampa, which is the closest
children’s hospital at 2.5 hours away.
She is honestly the
sweetest OB, both caring and responsive, and she can relate because she has
actually experienced a similar loss. She carried a son full term and he lived
for 10 days. She regretted not bonding with him more while he was here on
earth; a small reminder to appreciate all the kicks, jabs and rolls. To “spend
time with him” sounds silly since he is with me 24x7, but I’m really going to
focus on him throughout the day and send my love to him. She told me to show
him the world as much as I can since I might not have much time with him when
he is born. I haven’t been able to say that out loud. That’s just the saddest
thing I’ve ever heard. At first I thought that we wouldn’t have the chance to
travel but I can “show” him the beach, library and playground. Those are his
big sisters favorite places anyways. I also remembered that he has been to
Hawaii and now lives in beautiful Florida. He is so well traveled.
She also let me know
that she is praying for us, and that we have really been on her heart. It’s
hard to believe it’s only been three weeks since we found out this news! WOW
how my life has changed. [Seriously he is kicking my ovaries right now]…
I told our OB that I
thought our specialist might be holding back differentials from us and that she
didn’t give us the list until I basically asked for it. Our OB said that as a
Doctor it’s a fine line to inform the patient without alarming them too much.
She said that all people process and accept information differently.
My OB’s nurse said
that I can always make an appointment to come in to talk. Why do I feel like
she is now my psychologist and not my OB? : )
My OB checked
Alexander’s heart and was excited to tell me that all is well. She also talked
directly to him and said hi to him and a couple of really cute things - I
absolutely loved it.
Tonight is a sad
night; just loving my little boy that might not be here long enough.
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