We dreaded this
appointment. We both didn’t want to go. Silent tears ran down my checks during
the ultrasound, so sure that his chest would not measure big enough. However,
Alexander surprised us - his chest grew and it grew a lot! Is it too good to be true?
[Enter confused,
doubtful, shocked]
He is now 1.5 pounds
and his chest circumference went from the 5th percentile to the 25th
percentile. This news was unexpected and for some
reason we are now filled with more uncertainties, fears and worries. I also now
feel guilt for not just praising God for this miracle. We are obviously thrilled
at this news but filled with different questions. Could his chest stop growing?
Will he need the NICU? Where do we deliver? If his chest is growing why do I
already have above average amniotic fluid? His limbs are still more than 10
weeks behind, will they be functional? His legs and arms are bowed; will he
eventually need a wheelchair?
“Lord only knows” is
a very literal saying. Our doctors are not able to give us any more
information. Questions and possible limitations aside, I am holding onto hope, holding onto the love I have for our little
boy. Do I dare picture us at home, rocking him to sleep? Do I dare picture
him and Ana playing together years from now?
Is having too much hope dangerous or is it what gets us through the day?
Is having too much hope dangerous or is it what gets us through the day?
No comments:
Post a Comment